Episode 26
🎼 Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum ...
Clarrie: Wot’s up wi’you, Eddie ? You look white as a sheet. Ferret trouble again ?
Eddie: No, Clarrie, Oi’ve just ‘ad St Shula on the phone.
Clarrie: Wot did she want ? No more ‘elp fer good causes Oi ‘ope. Oi’m sick t’ death of ‘er vicar nonsense. Opium of the people, that is.
Eddie: No, luv, fer once she was tryin’ t’ do us a favour. There’s too much grazin’ at the stables. All the ‘orses are gettin’ fat and she offered Bartleby a free place to ‘elp keep the grass down. Pay vet’s bills n’ all.
Clarrie: Well ain’t that Grundy luck ! We’ve just eaten the old pony cos we couldn’t afford t’ keep ‘im and ‘e could’ve bin livin’ in luxury to the end of ‘is days. Which reminds me, wot ‘ave you done wi’ ‘is ‘ead ?
Eddie: Oi put it in the freezer. Fat Paul knows a bloke ‘oo does a spot of taxidermy and ‘e’s comin’ round Saturday t’ take it away fer stuffin’ an’ mountin’. It’ll look grand up in the cider shed.
(Sound of door opening)
Ed: Ello, anyone ‘ome ?
Clarrie: Lovely t’ see you, son. But where’s Emmer ? Thought you was bringin’ ‘er round fer tea ?
Ed: Yeah, but we bought some ice cream for puddin’ and she’s just puttin’ it in the freezer.
(Sound of screaming next door)
🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum ...
(Editor: Just a salad for me tonight)
Clarrie: Wot’s up wi’you, Eddie ? You look white as a sheet. Ferret trouble again ?
Eddie: No, Clarrie, Oi’ve just ‘ad St Shula on the phone.
Clarrie: Wot did she want ? No more ‘elp fer good causes Oi ‘ope. Oi’m sick t’ death of ‘er vicar nonsense. Opium of the people, that is.
Eddie: No, luv, fer once she was tryin’ t’ do us a favour. There’s too much grazin’ at the stables. All the ‘orses are gettin’ fat and she offered Bartleby a free place to ‘elp keep the grass down. Pay vet’s bills n’ all.
Clarrie: Well ain’t that Grundy luck ! We’ve just eaten the old pony cos we couldn’t afford t’ keep ‘im and ‘e could’ve bin livin’ in luxury to the end of ‘is days. Which reminds me, wot ‘ave you done wi’ ‘is ‘ead ?
Eddie: Oi put it in the freezer. Fat Paul knows a bloke ‘oo does a spot of taxidermy and ‘e’s comin’ round Saturday t’ take it away fer stuffin’ an’ mountin’. It’ll look grand up in the cider shed.
(Sound of door opening)
Ed: Ello, anyone ‘ome ?
Clarrie: Lovely t’ see you, son. But where’s Emmer ? Thought you was bringin’ ‘er round fer tea ?
Ed: Yeah, but we bought some ice cream for puddin’ and she’s just puttin’ it in the freezer.
(Sound of screaming next door)
🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum ...
(Editor: Just a salad for me tonight)
This one could run and run (not Bartleby, obviously)
ReplyDeleteThere's a touch of The Godfather about this
ReplyDeleteLilian's bonnet? Billy Button? A - R - S -? I didn't realise you were already writing Radio 4's scripts...
ReplyDelete