Episode 34

🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum ...

Lilian:  Hi, Mum, I was just passing and thought I would pop in for a cup of tea.

Peggy:  Lovely to see you, darling.  It’s lucky you came, Jill just brought round a box of Empire biscuits and I don’t know how I’m going to get through them all.  Her baking is becoming rather excessive.  She probably needs more sex with Leonard.

Lilian:  Hahahahahahaha ! That could be an interesting discussion at the WI.  Meanwhile I hope you don’t mind but I’ve got Ruby with me.  I can leave her in the car if you prefer.

Peggy:  That’s not a problem, Hilda’s a match for any dog - or human for that matter.  The only thing that frightens her is Linda walking by with her llamas.  It’s the spitting I think.

Lilian: Linda or the llamas ?

Peggy:  Now behave yourself and come in to the drawing room.  Hilda is on the sofa and she and Ruby can make friends.

(Hilda:  Okay, posh bitch, try to get on this sofa and you’re dead !)

(Ruby:  Relax, daahling.  Pugs have very short legs in case you hadn’t noticed.  There’s no way I can get up there on my own.)

(Hilda:  Why, have you stopped growing ?)

(Ruby:  Yes, daahling, except for sideways.  I’m on a reduced diet thanks to the blasted vet.)

(Hilda:  Don’t talk to me about vets !  There was a crazy one who stayed here with Kate.  I managed to draw blood a couple of times so he got the pecking order idea.  Madam likes him, though, so I can’t do any serious damage.)

(rattle of tea tray)

Peggy:  Now, what’s the news, Lilian ?  What’s going on in the village ?  I haven’t been out much for the last few days.

Lilian:  Well I had a very interesting conversation with Jenny yesterday and I need to tell you something before Susan in the shop gets wind of it.

Peggy:  Don’t tell me that Brian is having another affair !

Lilian :  Possibly worse than that ...

(Ruby:  Fasten your seatbelt, Hilda, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.)

🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum ...

(Ed.  I couldn’t have put it better myself.)