Episode 35

🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum ...

Amir:  Well, here we are in the starvation paddock again.  I can see six blades of grass so that’s two each.

Aziz:  Too true, bro, and supper is a long way off.

Benjamin:  I was out of my stable last night but there’s nothing I can do with a padlock and chain.  Short of kicking the door down, we’re screwed.

Aziz:  And if we kick the door down, St Shula will hear us, never mind the hoof prints.  And then it’s a one-way ticket to the cat-food factory.

Amir: (under his breath) I doubt it, we’re pure-bred Arabs and worth a few quid.  Not so sure about Benjamin ...

Aziz:  So what’s the plan, Benny ?

Benjamin:  We go out at night and let ourselves into the neighbours’ fields.  The Grundys will have lots of grass now that Bartleby has croaked.

Aziz:  Bartleby !  Was he the pony who pulled the trap ?  Shaggy dude with attitude ?

Benjamin:  Yep, that’s him.

Amir:  So what happened ?  Break a leg ?

Benjamin:  If only.  Grundys couldn’t afford to keep him so they ate him.

Aziz:  Whoah, that’s gross !  I feel sick.

Amir:  I’ve told you before, bro, horses can’t be sick.  We’ve got this crazy digestive system.

Aziz:  Well I’ve lost my appetite, that’s for sure, so spare me the lecture.

Benjamin:  We’ll try Home Farm then.  Adam’s too busy to notice a few hoof marks in the deer paddocks.

Amir:  You’re on, Benny, and at the same time we can think about how to screw the Grundys.  These people are animals.

Benjamin:  Eddie Grundy is very fond of his ferrets.  He keeps them in the barn and we could easily get in there and let them out.

Amir:  I thought these weirdo ferret fanciers kept them in their trousers - quelle horreur.

Benjamin:  Eddie used to but his missus got fed up with that, especially after the horse head in the freezer incident.

(sound of vomiting)

Aziz:  You see, bro, horses can be sick !

🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum ...

(Ed.  I’m not answering the angry emails.)