Episode 39

🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum ...

(telephone rings)

Harrison:  Hello, Borchester Police Station, Sergeant Burns speaking, how can I help
you ?

Eddie:  ‘Arrison, thank God it’s you !  Oi’ve got an emergency.  Oi nearly called 999 but Clarrie ‘it me wi ‘er copy of Das Kapital.

Harrison:  So you’re phoning to report domestic abuse, Eddie ?  I can get a support team out to help you right away.

Eddie:  No, no, nothin’ loik that.  Oi’ve bin robbed of me most precious possessions !

Harrison:  It’s not that horse’s head again is it ?  Bad taste is not a police matter.

Eddie:  No, that’s away gettin’ stuffed.  It’s me ferrets, they’ve bin nicked in the night.

Harrison:  Are you sure they’ve been stolen ?  Could they have escaped ?

Eddie:   No, they were in the barn in their run and I bolted the door last thing before bedtime.

Harrison:  Did you hear any noises during the night ?

Eddie:  Well, Clarrie were snorin’ the place down as usual but don’t tell ‘er I said that.

Harrison:  I meant cars or voices.

Eddie:  No, nothin’ loik that but Oi can tell you ‘ow they got ‘ere.  There were two of them and they came on ‘orseback.

Harrison:  Have you been drinking, Eddie ?

Eddie:  Oi ‘ave not !  Oi ‘aven’t even ‘ad breakfast yet.  Oi knows they were mounted cos there are two lots of hoof prints at the barn door and as you know, we don’t ‘ave a pony no more.

Harrison:  Well this is my first case of ferret theft, Eddie, and you’ll have to give me some details.  First of all, what do they look like ?

Eddie:  Just loik normal ferrets, one’s black and one’s brown.

Harrison:  And their names ?

Eddie:  The black one’s Sixtus an the brown one’s Anselm.

Harrison:  Right, Eddie, you have been drinking !  I’m ending this call now and if you phone again I will charge you with wasting police time.

Eddie:   But it’s true ...

(sound of phone being cut off)

🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum ...

(Agricultural Ed.:  I was  promised some farming this week, not ferret rustling !)