Episode 46

🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum ...

Jolene:  Hey, Tracy, Oi ‘ear you’ve signed up for one of them dating apps.  Been on any dates, yet ?

Tracy:  Well that would be tellin wouldn’t it ?

Jolene:  Oh go on.  You Orrobins ain’t usually so coy.  Did ye get lucky ?

Tracy:  It were more loik a lucky escape if you ask me.  You just can’t trust some of them profiles wot men put up.

Jolene:  Why, what ‘appended ?

Tracy:  Oi thought Oi ‘ad found the perfect match.  Oi mean ‘e said ‘e loiked goin out.

Jolene:  Yeah...

Tracy:  Turned out it was to church coffee mornings.  And ‘e said ‘e loiked travel.

Jolene:  Where ‘ad ‘e been ?

Tracy:  Butlins at Bognor seemed to ‘ave bin the ‘ighlight.

Jolene:  Did ‘e say ‘e ‘ad a sense of humour ?

Tracy:  Yeah, turned out ‘e loiked Max Boyce.

Jolene: Bet ‘e said ‘e enjoyed watching films.

Tracy:  You seem to know a lot about these things.  Oi’m gettin worried about you, Mrs Archer.

Jolene:  You’ve got to keep yer ‘and in, ain’t ye ?

Tracy:  Oi don’t want to know where yer ‘and’s bin, although Oi can keep a secret, unloik my sister.

Jolene:  Did ‘e say ‘e liked cooking?  All men claim that these days, never found one that could, apart from Fallon’s dad.

Tracy:  Yeah, ‘e did.  But it was the last straw when ‘e said ‘e was a vegan and ‘is speciality was tofu curry.

Jolene:  Well ‘e’d never put that on ‘is profile !  What about ‘is body ?

Tracy:  To be ‘onest, Oi’ve ‘ad more fun with a ferret...

🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum ...

(Ed.  Stand by for the avalanche of complaints from vegans and ferret fanciers.)