Episode 74

 🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum...

Peggy:  How nice of you to pop in, Pat.  Hilda and I don’t often see you here.  I do hope there isn’t anything wrong.

Pat:  In fact there is, Peggy.  I have heard the most terrible news about what is going on at Home Farm.

Peggy:  Home Farm ?  What has that got to do with me ?  Or anyone in this family anymore since that wretch Brian sold it to cover up his career as a criminal.

Pat:  I’m not sure it happened quite like that, Peggy.

Pat:  You’re such a stickler for the truth, Pat - I much prefer to make things up like Susan Carter.  So much more fun.

Pat:  Actually it was Susan Carter who told me about these appalling men at Home Farm.  The...the...the Chippendales !  I can hardly bring myself to say the name.

Peggy:  Oh, I know all about them.  Strippers aren’t they ? They turn up at hen parties I hear - it’s a pity Helen isnt’t getting married to that physical jerk of hers.

Pat:  Really, Peggy, you cant possibly approve of this callous exploitation of women !  I’ve spent decades fighting against it.

Peggy:  From what I hear, it’s the men who are more at risk than the women.  Now would you like a cup of tea, dear ?  I think I might have some of Jill’s lemon drizzle cake - that might perk you up a bit.

Pat:  Did I spend years of my life going on protest marches, camping at Greenham Common, burning my bra...

Peggy:  Never a good look with a D cup if you ask me.

Pat:  I feel so let down.  I mean, what would Germaine Greer say ?

Peggy:  Quite a lot I think.  She would probably be in favour of them in her new neo-liberal pro-choice existentialist way.  She is so controversial these days that she gets ‘no-platformed’ at universities, whatever that means.

Pat:  But they have to be stopped !  We can’t have this sort of thing happening in Ambridge.

Peggy:  Well the last I heard Kenton was asking their manager if he could book them for The Bull.  I’ve said I’d take 30 tickets for the Women’s Institute if they do Jerusalem as their opening number.

(loud thud as Pat hits the floor)

🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum...

(Ed.  What have I said about thuds !)

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