Episode 80

🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum...

Alice:  Where have you been, Chris, I’m dying for a drink.

Christopher:  I had to buy more than wine at the supermarket, Alice, and then I popped into the village shop for that chocolate you like.

Alice:  Ha - you can’t fool me !  You went in to the shop to hear the latest piece of nonsense i.e. poison, that your mother was doling out.

Christopher:  That’s not fair.  You might think that she is a malevolent old witch but sometimes she comes up with something that’s actually true.

Alice:  I find that hard to believe but go on, tell me what’s happening in your mother’s fantasy world. And be a love and pour me a drink while you’re at it - if you can do two things at once of course.

Christopher: You could never guess this story in a million years.  Your grandmother has booked a bunch of strippers for the next WI meeting !

Alice:  Well if that’s true I definitely need a drink.  But it can’t be true - Gran and strippers ?  Your mum’s gone mad.

Christopher:  Mrs Woolley told Mum they’re called The Beasts of Ambridge, she’s sold more than 30 tickets and they will be appearing upstairs at The Bull.

Alice:  Are you sure your mother hasn’t been drinking ?  It just can’t be true.  Does she know who these strippers are ?

Christopher:  It’s you who does all the drinking round here.  Slow down a bit, you’ve had half a bottle since I came in.

Alice:  It’s enough to drive anyone to drink hearing that one’s aged ancestor is hiring strippers for the WI.

Christopher:  Mum was worried that I might be involved.  I was quite pleased that she thought I might fit the bill.

Alice:  Well that’s a bit creepy.  But of course you’re fit enough - why do you think I married you ? You’re not involved are you, my mother would be apoplectic.

Christopher:  No Alice, I am not taking my clothes off in front of the jam and Jerusalem crowd, especially with your mother and my mother in the audeience.

Alice:  But who are The Beasts of Ambridge ?

Christopher:  Mum doesn’t know.  Apparently they do a full strip but keep their animal masks on at the end of their routine.

Alice:  Well it will be easy to find out.  Tracy’s bound to recognise them and give them a shout out at the end.

Christopher:  Funnily enough, your gran said the same thing.

Alice:  I’ll just give Gran a ring and book a couple of tickets for Kate and me.  Open that second bottle, would you ?  I’ve got to get in training for the big night.

🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum...

(Ed.  I think I know which animal Jakob will choose.)

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