Episode 81
🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum...
Freddy: Well, Mum, who’d have thought ? It turns out I’m not the only drug dealer in the family.
Elizabeth: What on Earth are you talking about, Freddy, and what have you been smoking ?
Freddy: Do you mind, I’m a reformed character now. All that dish washing at Grey Gables has helped me clean up my act. No, it’s Gran who’s dishing out the mind-bending substances.
Elizabeth: You’ve totally lost me. All Mum dishes out, as you put it, is absolutely delicious home baking.
Freddy: Exactly but she’s now baking a lemon drizzle case that’s an absolute turn-on. Pip tells me that Gran and Leonard are at it like rabbits every night and Auntie Shula was spotted chasing Jakob round the pony paddock before cornering him in the hay barn. They didn’t come out for hours.
Elizabeth: Now that’s ridiculous, darling, how can cake be an aphrodisiac ?
Freddy: When it’s been spiked with something of course. Pip reckons Gran’s dealer has sold her some veterinary drug to get Leonard going. And now it’s all got out of hand. The whole village is pestering her for the recipe - even the WI. And I reckon Peggy is on something too - she’s hired strippers for the next meeting.
Elizabeth: But this is terrible, what can we do ?
Freddy: I reckon you’re going to have to have a quiet word with Gran. Why can’t Leonard use Viagra like all the other old gents. Seems to work for Oliver.
Elizabeth: What ! How do you know all these things, Freddy ?
Freddy: No-one notices the kitchen slave in the corner. You wouldn’t believe what I hear when I’m scrubbing pots.
Elizabeth. Well I don’t want to know any more. It’s bad enough hearing about Mum. I can hardly believe it.
Freddy: I know what you mean, it was the third most surprising thing I ever heard in my life.
Elizabeth: Really ? What were the other two ?
Freddy: Dad falling off the roof and Roy Tucker getting into your knickers.
(soft thud as Elizabeth collapses onto the chaise longue in the yellow drawing room)
🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum...
(Ed. He’s not going to let that Roy Tucker thing go.)
Freddy: Well, Mum, who’d have thought ? It turns out I’m not the only drug dealer in the family.
Elizabeth: What on Earth are you talking about, Freddy, and what have you been smoking ?
Freddy: Do you mind, I’m a reformed character now. All that dish washing at Grey Gables has helped me clean up my act. No, it’s Gran who’s dishing out the mind-bending substances.
Elizabeth: You’ve totally lost me. All Mum dishes out, as you put it, is absolutely delicious home baking.
Freddy: Exactly but she’s now baking a lemon drizzle case that’s an absolute turn-on. Pip tells me that Gran and Leonard are at it like rabbits every night and Auntie Shula was spotted chasing Jakob round the pony paddock before cornering him in the hay barn. They didn’t come out for hours.
Elizabeth: Now that’s ridiculous, darling, how can cake be an aphrodisiac ?
Freddy: When it’s been spiked with something of course. Pip reckons Gran’s dealer has sold her some veterinary drug to get Leonard going. And now it’s all got out of hand. The whole village is pestering her for the recipe - even the WI. And I reckon Peggy is on something too - she’s hired strippers for the next meeting.
Elizabeth: But this is terrible, what can we do ?
Freddy: I reckon you’re going to have to have a quiet word with Gran. Why can’t Leonard use Viagra like all the other old gents. Seems to work for Oliver.
Elizabeth: What ! How do you know all these things, Freddy ?
Freddy: No-one notices the kitchen slave in the corner. You wouldn’t believe what I hear when I’m scrubbing pots.
Elizabeth. Well I don’t want to know any more. It’s bad enough hearing about Mum. I can hardly believe it.
Freddy: I know what you mean, it was the third most surprising thing I ever heard in my life.
Elizabeth: Really ? What were the other two ?
Freddy: Dad falling off the roof and Roy Tucker getting into your knickers.
(soft thud as Elizabeth collapses onto the chaise longue in the yellow drawing room)
🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum...
(Ed. He’s not going to let that Roy Tucker thing go.)
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