Episode 84
🎼 Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum...
Jazzer: In the name o the wee man, Alistair, whit’s happened tae ye ? Ye’re hobbling intae the hoose like an auld man.
Alistair: I’m lucky that I can hobble instead of having surgery to reconnect certain parts of my anatomy.
Jazzer: Aw naw, ye huvnae done yersel an injury in the crown jools ?
Alistair: Got it in one. Tony asked me to go round to Bridge Farm to have a look at his Angus bull, Big Boy. He’s been very enthusiastic in his marital duties recently after the drugs he’s been taking and ...
Jazzer: Who, Tony ? Doesnae look the type tae me.
Alistair: Not Tony, the bull you idiot!
Jazzer: Okay, okay but Ah wid need some kind o drug afore Ah went joustin wi yon Pat - she’s a scary wumman.
Alistair: Please don’t make me laugh, Jazzer. I’m in a lot of pain because a bull just kicked me in the bollocks. There’s no way I’ll be stripping next week.
Jazzer: Aw come oan. Are ye a man or a moose ? Ah’ve seen worse at closin time on a Saturday night on Sauchiehall Street. Thae wummen can gie ye a right batterin.
Alistair: Look Jazzer, even if I could walk properly by then the bruising is going to be pretty awful. Not a pretty sight to see.
Jazzer: Fair enough, but whit are we gonnae dae ? Peggy’s sold o’er a hunner tickets, Ah’m startin a new career and Lilian’s gonnae make so much cash she’ll let me back in The Bull fur good.
Alistair: Now don’t panic, Jazzer. I’ve been thinking about that inbetween the waves of pain. Who’s the fittest young bloke in the village - young, handsome, muscled ?
Jazzer: Apart frae me ?
Alistair: Of course, apart from you.
Jazzer: Has tae be Christopher Carter. Years o wrestlin wi horses an bangin nails intae their hooves huv given him some muscles an he’s nae bad lookin.
Alistair: Exactly and I’m sure I can persuade him to take my place. Alice’s drinking is getting out of hand and she might just pay him a bit more attention if he’s a Beast of Ambridge.
Jazzer: That wid be great.
Alistair: But there’s one condition.
Jazzer: Oh aye ?
Alistair: I still get my cut of the lemon drizzle.
🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum...
(Ed. We’re going to need a bigger cake.)
,
Jazzer: In the name o the wee man, Alistair, whit’s happened tae ye ? Ye’re hobbling intae the hoose like an auld man.
Alistair: I’m lucky that I can hobble instead of having surgery to reconnect certain parts of my anatomy.
Jazzer: Aw naw, ye huvnae done yersel an injury in the crown jools ?
Alistair: Got it in one. Tony asked me to go round to Bridge Farm to have a look at his Angus bull, Big Boy. He’s been very enthusiastic in his marital duties recently after the drugs he’s been taking and ...
Jazzer: Who, Tony ? Doesnae look the type tae me.
Alistair: Not Tony, the bull you idiot!
Jazzer: Okay, okay but Ah wid need some kind o drug afore Ah went joustin wi yon Pat - she’s a scary wumman.
Alistair: Please don’t make me laugh, Jazzer. I’m in a lot of pain because a bull just kicked me in the bollocks. There’s no way I’ll be stripping next week.
Jazzer: Aw come oan. Are ye a man or a moose ? Ah’ve seen worse at closin time on a Saturday night on Sauchiehall Street. Thae wummen can gie ye a right batterin.
Alistair: Look Jazzer, even if I could walk properly by then the bruising is going to be pretty awful. Not a pretty sight to see.
Jazzer: Fair enough, but whit are we gonnae dae ? Peggy’s sold o’er a hunner tickets, Ah’m startin a new career and Lilian’s gonnae make so much cash she’ll let me back in The Bull fur good.
Alistair: Now don’t panic, Jazzer. I’ve been thinking about that inbetween the waves of pain. Who’s the fittest young bloke in the village - young, handsome, muscled ?
Jazzer: Apart frae me ?
Alistair: Of course, apart from you.
Jazzer: Has tae be Christopher Carter. Years o wrestlin wi horses an bangin nails intae their hooves huv given him some muscles an he’s nae bad lookin.
Alistair: Exactly and I’m sure I can persuade him to take my place. Alice’s drinking is getting out of hand and she might just pay him a bit more attention if he’s a Beast of Ambridge.
Jazzer: That wid be great.
Alistair: But there’s one condition.
Jazzer: Oh aye ?
Alistair: I still get my cut of the lemon drizzle.
🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum...
(Ed. We’re going to need a bigger cake.)
,
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