Episode 89

🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum...

Jolene:  That were some night, Lilian - ‘ow’s your ‘ead ?

Lilian:  It may have been a couple of days ago but I might still have a hangover.

Jolene:  Oi thought you would be over it by now given your past record for benders.

Lilian:  Well, daahling, it’s nothing that a glass of the Widow and a smoked salmon blini wouldn’t cure.

Jolene:  This ain’t one of those fancy bars you used to go to with Matt Crawford, this is The Bull.  You’d be better off with a builder’s tea an a bacon sarnie.  Always works a treat.

Lilian:  And you wonder why I left this godforsaken hole all those years ago ?

Jolene:  But you came back, remember ?  Anyways, how clever of your old mum to come up with such a great idea to liven up the WI.  She is a genius.

Lilian:  That is where I get it from, daahling.  On the other hand I am not sure where we got my sister from.  What was she thinking ?

Jolene:  Come on !  ‘Er gettin on stage with Jazzer was the ‘ighlight of the evenin.  Oi ‘aven’t seen anythin so funny in years.  Wot’s she on ?

Lilian:  I have been wondering about that for a while now.  Jenny’s been acting very strangely.  One minute she’s off with a pipe-smoking handbag thief and the next she is all over Jazzer like a rash.

Jolene:  Anyway, Oi ‘avent told you the big news yet.

Lilian:  Big news ?  Everyone knows that Jazzer is welcome in the pub after that masterly performance.

Jolene:  No, no, not that.  My agent ‘ad a Hollywood producer on the phone this mornin.  They want to make a film about the other night and reckon it would be a cross between The Full Monty and Calendar Girls.

Lilian:  Oh God,  they don’t want the WI to take their clothes off do they ?  The thought of my mother and Christine posing with strategically-placed lemon drizzle cakes gives me the boak - as Jazzer would say.

Jolene:  Well they asked if any of the younger members might be interested in taking part.  Would Kate and Alice be up for it ?

Lilian:  I have no idea.   But what I do want to know is, who called the police ?

Jolene:  Oh, that were me.

Lilian:  Why on Earth did you do that ?

Jolene:  We ran out of sherry and I didn’t want that crowd turning ugly on us.

🎼  Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum...

(Ed.  Good call, Jolene.)



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