Episode 92

🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum...

(shop bells rings)

Susan:  Oi’ve got a bone to pick with you, Tracy.

Tracy:  Wot ‘ave Oi done this time ?  Ow often do Oi ‘ave to say that Oi’m the only one in this family who ‘ain’t been to prison.

Susan:  Stop goin on about that - you’re like a broken record and it’s borin.

Tracy:  Me ? Borin?  Oi’m one of the most interesting people in this godforsaken place.

Susan:  You’ve picked up that line from Lilian.  And some of ‘er ‘abits  Oi’ve ‘eard.

Tracy:  Oi never never touch gin.  Wot are you on about ?

Susan:  You know exactly wot Oi am talkin about.  You gave me a right red face when we were at The Bull the other night.

Tracy:  Me ?  Wot about your Christopher strippin bollock naked ?  And if your face were red it was all that prosecco you were drinkin.

Susan:  No it weren’t.  It were you shoutin at The Beasts of Ambridge, dancin on the stage and all that twerkin.  Didn’t you recognise our Christopher ?

Tracy:  Why would Oi ?  ‘E were just some young, fit bloke.  Oi were  more interested in Jakob.

Susan:  Yeah, well, that Kate Aldridge were in’ere in a right old tizz this mornin wonderin ‘ow you knew it were Jakob when ‘e was standin there in ‘is mask and nothin else.  No-one else seemed to recognise him, not even ‘er.

Tracy:  Well, you know ‘ow they say that owners get to look like their pets ?

Susan:  I suppose Lilian does look a bit like that pug, Ruby, but Linda Snell never looked like Scruff. What’s that got to do with Jakob ?

Tracy:  Well, he looks after horses all day and they have enormous ...

(shop bell rings)

Jakob:  Good morning, ladies...

(loud thud as Susan falls behind the counter)

Tracy:  Never mind ‘er.  Wot can I do for you ?

🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum...

( Ed.  Kate’s got a fight on her hands. )








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