Episode 99

🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum...

(sound of telephone ringing)

Jakob:  Hello, Beasts of Ambridge - sorry, Ambridge Veterinary Practise.  How can I help you ?

Peggy:  Good morning, Jakob. You haven’t been over to check my pussy for a while.  Are you free this afternoon ?

Jakob:  I’m afraid not, Peggy, I’m not allowed to...

Kate:  Is that my gran ?  Give me the phone, Jakob !

Peggy:  Is that you, Kate, what are you doing in the surgery ?

Kate:  I’m here to stop half the women in this village taking advantage of Jakob.  Ever since that night in The Bull he’s been pursued non-stop and he’s too polite to tell them to bugger off.  Tracy Horrobin’s been on the phone three times pretending she has a horse with colic.

Peggy:  Well, I am calling because my pussy needs attention as Jakob knows very well.

Kate:  And you know very well that Jakob is an equine vet so if Hilda really needs examined you have to speak to Alistair.  For anything else I suggest you call the GP surgery in Borchester.

Peggy:  But Kate, I have a special arrangement with Jakob.  He’s very good at...

Kate:  I never thought I would have to say this to my grandmother but stay away from my boyfriend !

(sound of telephone being slammed down)

Peggy:  Well, Hilda, two can play at that game.

(Sound of telephone ringing)

Receptionist:  Good morning, Borchester Legal.  How can I help you ?

Peggy:  Hello, this is Peggy Woolley.  I’d like to come in to discuss my will.

🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum...

(Ed.  So Kate’s out and Jakob’s in ?)


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