Episode 111
🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum...
Alan: Hello, Harrison, how can I help you ? We don’t often see you in church.
Harrison: I got married here and was christened as a baby - how many times do you expect me to come ?
Alan: That’s fair enough. I suppose it’s the usual attendance record of a member of the Church of England. Anyway, what can I do for you ?
Harrison: I was hoping you might be able to help me with a delicate matter.
Alan: If you want to make a confession, the Catholic Church in Felpersham might be a better place to go - they specialise in that sort of thing.
Harrison: Don’t be daft. I wouldn’t be coming near the church if I had any personal problems. It’s a delicate police matter.
Alan: Not sure if I can help you but I’ll give it a try.
Harrison: I need to contact the bishop.
Alan: The bishop ! What on Earth has he been up to?
Harrison: Well, actually it’s his wife I need to speak to but I’ve just been round to their house and it’s all shut up.
Alan: Oh dear, that doesn’t sound good.
Harrison: Why do you say that ?
Alan: He told me on the phone that they were going to South America due to the events at The Bull. But I thought he was joking. I mean it’s not as if they’re war criminals.
Harrison: But how can they afford to move to South America ? You vicars aren’t paid much.
Alan: He said money wouldn’t be be a problem as they had the lemon drizzle recipe. That’s why I thought he was joking.
Harrison: Where did the bishop get the recipe ?
Alan: I gave it to him.
Harrison: Oh my god, I knew that lab test was wrong. Vicar, you’re under arrest for aiding and abetting drug trafficking !
(Alan falls to the aisle with a thud)
🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum...
(Ed. Marble thuds are the worst.)
Alan: Hello, Harrison, how can I help you ? We don’t often see you in church.
Harrison: I got married here and was christened as a baby - how many times do you expect me to come ?
Alan: That’s fair enough. I suppose it’s the usual attendance record of a member of the Church of England. Anyway, what can I do for you ?
Harrison: I was hoping you might be able to help me with a delicate matter.
Alan: If you want to make a confession, the Catholic Church in Felpersham might be a better place to go - they specialise in that sort of thing.
Harrison: Don’t be daft. I wouldn’t be coming near the church if I had any personal problems. It’s a delicate police matter.
Alan: Not sure if I can help you but I’ll give it a try.
Harrison: I need to contact the bishop.
Alan: The bishop ! What on Earth has he been up to?
Harrison: Well, actually it’s his wife I need to speak to but I’ve just been round to their house and it’s all shut up.
Alan: Oh dear, that doesn’t sound good.
Harrison: Why do you say that ?
Alan: He told me on the phone that they were going to South America due to the events at The Bull. But I thought he was joking. I mean it’s not as if they’re war criminals.
Harrison: But how can they afford to move to South America ? You vicars aren’t paid much.
Alan: He said money wouldn’t be be a problem as they had the lemon drizzle recipe. That’s why I thought he was joking.
Harrison: Where did the bishop get the recipe ?
Alan: I gave it to him.
Harrison: Oh my god, I knew that lab test was wrong. Vicar, you’re under arrest for aiding and abetting drug trafficking !
(Alan falls to the aisle with a thud)
🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum...
(Ed. Marble thuds are the worst.)
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