Episode 113
🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum...
Shula: I am so sorry about what happened, Alan. I can’t apologise enough.
Alan: It’s your mother who should be apologising. What on Earth did she think she was doing ? How can I recover from a night in the cells ?
Shula: Oh, get over it. We’ve all been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
Alan: But what about my career ? The Church is my whole world and now I have a terrible stain on my character.
Shula: That’s never stopped people getting on before. Get a grip ! We can take advantage of the situation.
Alan: What do you mean, take advantage ? I was arrested !
Shula: Yes, but you weren’t charged. We can get a big story in The Echo about your horrific treatment at the hands of the local police during your wrongful arrest. You now have a greater understanding of why people hate the police.
Alan: But I don’t hate the police. I like Harrison, he is a lovely young man.
Shula: It doesn’t matter what you really think anymore, just take a position and we will sail through this.
Alan: We ? What has this got to do with you ?
Shula: Get with the programme, Alan. I want to be a vicar. The Bishop - who was going to make me a vicar - has now hopped off to South America. So there is now a vacancy for the Bishop’s hat, or whatever ridiculous piece of clothing you get, and you need to become the prime contender.
Alan: Me ? Bishop ? I have no ambition, apart from making sure Benjie the donkey comes to church on Palm Sunday and doesn’t poo in the vestry. I have always been perfectly content with being a country vicar in a dull parish.
Shula: And what about Usha ? That scheming bitch would love to be Mrs Bishop and patronise everyone. You might even get in her knickers more often. No, your days of humble obscurity are over. You will be Bishop and you will appoint me as Vicar of Ambridge.
Alan: I am seeing a completely different side to your character these days, Shula. It’s very worrying.
Shula: This is just the beginning. Fasten your seatbelt, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.
Alan: I refuse to fall over in shock. I’m still recovering from the injuries caused when Harrison arrested me - the aisle is rock hard.
Shula: Excellent news ! We can sue for police brutality.
🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum...
(Ed. Any resemblance to the Vicar of Dibley is completely unintentional)
Shula: I am so sorry about what happened, Alan. I can’t apologise enough.
Alan: It’s your mother who should be apologising. What on Earth did she think she was doing ? How can I recover from a night in the cells ?
Shula: Oh, get over it. We’ve all been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
Alan: But what about my career ? The Church is my whole world and now I have a terrible stain on my character.
Shula: That’s never stopped people getting on before. Get a grip ! We can take advantage of the situation.
Alan: What do you mean, take advantage ? I was arrested !
Shula: Yes, but you weren’t charged. We can get a big story in The Echo about your horrific treatment at the hands of the local police during your wrongful arrest. You now have a greater understanding of why people hate the police.
Alan: But I don’t hate the police. I like Harrison, he is a lovely young man.
Shula: It doesn’t matter what you really think anymore, just take a position and we will sail through this.
Alan: We ? What has this got to do with you ?
Shula: Get with the programme, Alan. I want to be a vicar. The Bishop - who was going to make me a vicar - has now hopped off to South America. So there is now a vacancy for the Bishop’s hat, or whatever ridiculous piece of clothing you get, and you need to become the prime contender.
Alan: Me ? Bishop ? I have no ambition, apart from making sure Benjie the donkey comes to church on Palm Sunday and doesn’t poo in the vestry. I have always been perfectly content with being a country vicar in a dull parish.
Shula: And what about Usha ? That scheming bitch would love to be Mrs Bishop and patronise everyone. You might even get in her knickers more often. No, your days of humble obscurity are over. You will be Bishop and you will appoint me as Vicar of Ambridge.
Alan: I am seeing a completely different side to your character these days, Shula. It’s very worrying.
Shula: This is just the beginning. Fasten your seatbelt, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.
Alan: I refuse to fall over in shock. I’m still recovering from the injuries caused when Harrison arrested me - the aisle is rock hard.
Shula: Excellent news ! We can sue for police brutality.
🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum...
(Ed. Any resemblance to the Vicar of Dibley is completely unintentional)
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