Episode 142

 🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum...

Christopher :  Alice, I’ve been thinking...

Alice:  Well, that’s not something I often hear you say.

Christopher:  That’s not very nice - you really are turning into your mother.

Alice:  Well, that’s not very nice either, I’m more like my father, actually.

Christopher:  In that case I’ll be looking out for criminal behaviour, not to mention you turning into a lothario.

Alice:  I don’t think you can call a woman a lothario.

Christopher:  What can you call them ?

Alice:  I can’t think at the moment.

Christopher:  So it’s you that can’t think now, not me.

Alice:  Look, can we please stop stop bickering.  What were you thinking ?

Christopher:  I think we need to get away for a few days.

Alice:  Oh yes, that sounds great ! Where ?

Christopher:  Somewhere away from our mothers, somewhere in the middle of nowhere, somewhere no-one knows us and we can chill out.

Alice:  That sounds fabulous,  I knew I had married the right man despite what Mum said.  I’ll go and pack while you book it all.  And I’ll look out the passports and the sun cream.

Christopher:  You won’t need those where we’re going - we’re off to Scotland.

Alice:  Ooh, there are lovely hotels there.  Arabella from school stayed in a gorgeous castle.

Christopher:  Hotels ?  No, we are going camping.  I bought a great new tent and I’m dying to try it out.

Alice:  A tent ?  Are you joking ? You’re now confusing me with Kate. There is no way I’m going camping - getting soaking wet every day and being eaten alive by midges.  What kind of a woman do you think I am ?

Christopher:  There are plenty of women in this village who would like to spend a few nights in a tent with a Beast of Ambridge.

Alice:  Well, if you put it like that, perhaps I could try.  Why don’t you practise putting up the tent in the back garden while I see if there’s still a bottle down the back of the sofa.

Christopher:  Great - see you out there.

(door closes)

(mobile ring tone)

Jennifer:  Hello, Home Farm, Jennifer Aldridge speaking.

Alice:  Mum, it’s Alice, I need you to come round and pick me up right away.

Jennifer:  What’s happened ?

Alice:  It’s Chris, he’s gone mad !  He wants me to go on a camping holiday in Scotland !

Jennifer:  How ghastly !  I’ll be there in ten, darling.

🎼  Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum...

(Ed.  I’m not answering the complaints from either of the Scottish listeners.)