Episode 143

🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum...

(church door opens)

Shula:  Come out, Alan, I know you’re in here.  You have to stop by hiding from me.

Alan:  I’m not hiding from you.

Shula:  So where are you ?

Alan:  I’m, err,  just doing some dusting under the pews.  Your mother isn’t doing such a good job these days.  She seems to be a bit tied up with WI business.

Shula:  How dare you insult my mother and try to use her as a pathetic excuse for avoiding me.  It really doesn’t become you as a man of the cloth.  Get up off the floor.

Alan:  Oh my God !  Don’t point that thing at me !

Shula:  What, this shotgun ? 

Alan: Yes of course, what are you doing ?

Shula:  I’m practising my aim for the next time I see the bishop.

Alan:  The next time ?

Shula:  I went to see him yesterday to remind him of my ambition to be vicar of Ambridge.  And to talk about the latest indiscretions of his wife.

Alan:  Oh dear, what has she been up to now ? 

Shula:  She was at Brookfield last week for the Young Farmers’ pole dancing night and although Mum told me it was nothing like the Beasts of Ambridge evening at The Bull, I have some photographs which prove otherwise.

Alan:  What did the bishop say ?

Shula:  He laughed in my face and said that since the Chief Constable had shot him in the place where the sun don’t shine, he and his wife are untouchable.

Alan:  And what did you say ?

Shula:  I told him that I was a better shot than any man in Borsetshire and that I was pretty good at staging ‘accidents’.

Alan:  Did that shake him ?

Shula:  Not at all.  He said there was only one person in the way of me getting that job.

Alan:  That’s him of course.

Shula:  Technically, that might be true, but if you were out of the way...

Alan:  What kind of accident did you have in mind for the bishop ?  I might be able to help.

🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum... 

(Ed.  That’s truly shocking - dust under the pews !)

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