Episode 143
🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum...
(church door opens)
Shula: Come out, Alan, I know you’re in here. You have to stop by hiding from me.
Alan: I’m not hiding from you.
Shula: So where are you ?
Alan: I’m, err, just doing some dusting under the pews. Your mother isn’t doing such a good job these days. She seems to be a bit tied up with WI business.
Shula: How dare you insult my mother and try to use her as a pathetic excuse for avoiding me. It really doesn’t become you as a man of the cloth. Get up off the floor.
Alan: Oh my God ! Don’t point that thing at me !
Shula: What, this shotgun ?
Alan: Yes of course, what are you doing ?
Shula: I’m practising my aim for the next time I see the bishop.
Alan: The next time ?
Shula: I went to see him yesterday to remind him of my ambition to be vicar of Ambridge. And to talk about the latest indiscretions of his wife.
Alan: Oh dear, what has she been up to now ?
Shula: She was at Brookfield last week for the Young Farmers’ pole dancing night and although Mum told me it was nothing like the Beasts of Ambridge evening at The Bull, I have some photographs which prove otherwise.
Alan: What did the bishop say ?
Shula: He laughed in my face and said that since the Chief Constable had shot him in the place where the sun don’t shine, he and his wife are untouchable.
Alan: And what did you say ?
Shula: I told him that I was a better shot than any man in Borsetshire and that I was pretty good at staging ‘accidents’.
Alan: Did that shake him ?
Shula: Not at all. He said there was only one person in the way of me getting that job.
Alan: That’s him of course.
Shula: Technically, that might be true, but if you were out of the way...
Alan: What kind of accident did you have in mind for the bishop ? I might be able to help.
🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum...
(Ed. That’s truly shocking - dust under the pews !)
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