Episode133

🎼.  Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum...

Jim:  Do you want some breakfast, Jazzer ?  I was thinking of doing a full English.

Jazzer:  But it’s no Sunday. Whit’s goan on ?

Jim:  I am retired.  I threw off the shackles of a working life many years ago and can enjoy the small pleasures of life, such as a cooked breakfast, any time I like.  And you shouldn’t be such a slave to routine.

Jazzer:  Aye, but why the noo, ye’ve bin retired fur years.  Whit are ye efter ?

Jim:  All right, you have seen through my ploy to get you to sit down at the kitchen table so that I can grill you about Alistair.

Jazzer:  Whit aboot him ?

Jim:  Well, you both came crashing in late last night and Alistair was singing ‘Do you think I’m sexy ?’  This morning he went to work with a large bruise on his forehead. What is going on ?  He used to be such a goody two-shoes but what with you and Jakob he seems to be a changed man.

Jazzer:  It’s a’ tae dae wi Shula.

Jim:  Shula ?  But they’re divorced.

Jazzer:  Aye but Shula has changed her tune and waants them tae get hitched again.

Jim:  But why ?  She said she was bored stiff with him.

Jazzer:  Aye, Ah ken.  It’s a piece o’ nonsense.  But she thinks it’ll help hur get the dog-collar joab.

Jim:  It’s a pity she didn’t think about that before.  But how does that explain the singing and the bruising ?

Jazzer:  Him an me sang a few songs up at The Laurels last night.

Jim:  And what happened ?

Jazzer:  Well, they loved ma version o’ Naebuddy’s Child an The Wonder of You but they weren'y sae keen on Alistair’s Rod Stewart tribute act so a few bottles o’ prosecco were thrown.

Jim:  Were they full ?

Jazzer:  Dinnae be daft, man.  Ah’m talkin aboot some right stoatirs up at The Laurels.  They ken how tae drink an they widnae waste any.

Jim:  But why is Alistair doing these things ?  

Jazzer:  Is it no obvious ?  He’s hopin that Shula leaves him alane when she realises whit a bampot he is.

Jim:  Good heavens, he really is brighter than I give him credit for !

🎼. Dum ti dum ti dum ti dum...

(Ed.  ‘Oh ye cannae shove yer granny aff a bus’ - that’s my favourite.)